Screwed.edu
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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