Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
