I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can I color on your dick again?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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