At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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