So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
