2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
