We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
