All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The power of my boobs compel you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
