My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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