I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
