like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
