I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
