I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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