Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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