conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
