I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
