My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
