Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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