I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
