i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I believe in your delicious
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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