I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
