omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
