apparently the secret to your success is patron
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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