he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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