he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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