I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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