Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
