Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And then he peed in my hair
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