He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
