Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
