you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
