Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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