Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
