Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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