please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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