no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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