I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
