South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
3 2 1 whiskey
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
