I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
