It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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