Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
