dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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