Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
