It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
