my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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