You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
