i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize