Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
