I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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