we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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