That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?