Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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