$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
