we're blogging at a bar
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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