I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
