whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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