Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
