Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you had me at cake vodka
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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