That's intense
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
