haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
