Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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