barbara walters just said penis...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
