the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
