There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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