I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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