Who wears a wallet chain?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
