who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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