and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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