so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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