You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
