She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So much Jack, so little girl.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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