Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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