Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
