hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
