hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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