Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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