OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God, I missed his penis.
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