so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
