I just saw a hot homeless man
you would pick up someone in the library
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
